2001-06-05 Newsgroup post: Mrs. Thorney says hello

[Note from Thorney: In reply to a recent message of mine in the 'Beginner Questions' thread, in part bragging about how wonderful my wife is, several people wrote things like

> Okay, I am *incredibly* jealous now, you old fart. [And]
>Mrs Thorney is rapidly turning into someone I want to be like when I grow up.

Mrs. Thorney is reveling in the praise, calling me an old fart, and actually enjoying for a change my rather explicit descriptions here of her behavior. So she decided it was time to write something herself.]

From Mrs. Thorney:

I have no interest in S&M, but Thorney tells me that your group is able to discuss sex openly and explicitly. He also says that some of you wish you were more like us. Maybe I can help you by telling you how I came to be the way I am.

When I was first married in 1947, the marriage manuals said that success in mutual orgasms came if the man did not get too excited before the female did. As a result I tried not to do things to excite my husband and monitored my responses. No luck. I was too self conscious. So for 3 years of that marriage and 1 or 2 of the next marriage 3 years after my first husband died, I was unable to come to orgasm.

Then I had a conversation with me. (I find such conversations are very helpful.) The other me said, "So you don't come. So what? Just try to enjoy what you find enjoyable and try to give your husband enjoyment." It worked. In about 2 weeks I was coming on a regular basis. My advice to me had taken my mind off myself and shifted it onto imagining how much my husband would enjoy this or that. This enabled me to do what comes naturally and come. In fact it wasn't long before I was multiply orgasmic. For a while I used to count the orgasms, but I gave that up and just enjoyed. This change did not come about because my second husband changed what he did because he didn't. The change was all in my head. After all the brain is the sexiest organ in our bodies. This is a graphic example of the benefits of unselfish behavior.

Then I found that having an especially good time together during the day, whether it was a conversation or a social event, led to better sex that night. Good times during the day come from common goals and common interests. Thorney and I have those in spades. So my desire to make him happy is partly gratitude to him for his wonderful disposition, his reliability, his many interests, his toleration of my delays now and then, his ability to be logical, and his great love for me. He is also incredibly sexy, not in appearance, but in actions.

I don't see any reason at all for spending time with someone who likes to hurt me. Fortunately I never met such a person, but I would never have tolerated it. Sex is not that hard to get. When I was divorced from my second husband and wanted sex, all I had to do was to use my eyes. Make up, sexy clothes, a lilting walk all advertise to all the world. But looking at a man and simply not lowering my eyes told him I was interested in him. Most responded promptly. Conversation is also a way of appealing to a specific man. I've told this to several women who were sex starved. They all reported that it works.

Mrs. Thorney